January 1, 2012. My night was set on fire. Orange and yellow in the air. Red on her lips. The slow burn of blue on everything else. Emotions were high, it was to be expected though considering what specific night it was. It was new year's eve and on the stroke of 12 everything gets erased. Right?
Right?
I wish we had backspaces, deletes, and control-Zs. Undos not just for certain scenes and events, but for life baggage. The stuff that is constantly with you no matter where you go. The stained shirts and dirty jeans. They've been with you through thick and thin and to throw them away would be like losing a part of yourself that you just can't let go of. It's like cutting off an arm or two. But sometimes, just sometimes, I think I'd be okay as a paraplegic. I'd survive.
There are no resolutions to break. I can't keep promises to myself. But sure enough I will run through hell with a bomb strapped to my body and detonate it to make sure people that are close to me are happy. Certain ones in particular.
This off the cuff 5SIAR is about one of those persons, our new years, and the morning after that I spent making myself a gut rot kind of breakfast to cure the hangover from not just the booze, but from that person as well.
Wearing my cheap sunglasses to save my poor head from anymore damage I braved the sun and ventured out to the grocery store for supplies.
Starbucks coffee (Luckily it was on sale)
Eggs
Bacon (Duh)
Marble rye bread (The best breakfast always involves a good marble rye)
I procured my items and started making my way to the cashier when this song came on. And here I thought I was doing so well shoving the night into a box and putting it on a shelf. No, not yet, because the contents just came spilling back out because of a song. It's always because of a song isn't it?
I found myself just standing in one spot underneath one of the speakers in the ceiling just so I could listen. People passed by and probably wondered what I was doing just standing there. To make myself not seem so peculiar I pretended to look at the ready made chili mixes on one of the shelves. I had already scared myself, I didn't want to scare other people too.
The entire night was on my mind, more specifically the drive home. It was quiet for the most part. Even if we did talk I don't remember what we said to each other. We were both drunk and we might have said something to the effect of wondering where the DUI check points were in town, but who knows. All I can recall right now is her perfume. It was still fresh in my car when I drove to the store. It's on everything. My hoodie as well.
After breakfast I think I'll go wash my car and do laundry.
I think I get why so many people love this album. It has a kind of loathing that everyone can identify with. Or something like that. I don't know. It's in the way Justin Vernon says "And at once I knew I was not magnificent" like he's fighting to accept it, but obviously can't. Some of us battle with our past and never seem to win. Oh how I wish we could have some kind of small victory. I wanted it to be last night.
This was your song of the night. You kept begging me to play it before the stroke of midnight. So I did. I don't know what it was about this song that turned your volume up to 11, but it made me smile to see you have so much fun singing along to it.
It's going on the mix I'll eventually make but not give you.
That makes three songs with lyrics that have to do with driving and/or being on a highway. Love, or something that looks like it, is always a long road.
Thanks, Boss.
It makes you blind, it does you in
It makes you think you're pretty tough
It makes you prone to crime and sin
It makes you say things off the cuff
It's very small and made of glass
and grossly over-advertised
It turns a genius to an ass
and makes a fool think he is wise
It could make you regret your birth
or turn cartwheels in your best suit
It costs a lot more than it's worth
and yet there is no substitute
They keep it on a higher shelf
the older and more pure it grows
It has no color in itself
but it can make you see rainbows
You can find it on the Bowery
or you can find it at Elaine's
It makes your words more flowery
It makes the sun shine, makes it rain
You just get out what they put in
and they never put in enough
Love is like a bottle of gin
but a bottle of gin is not like love.
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